


Castiel's Choice

by chaosgroupie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22102561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaosgroupie/pseuds/chaosgroupie
Summary: This based on a prompt by saltyhunter, @destielprompts on Instagram. I also used a line from saltyhunter latest one shot, Dean's Prayer To Castiel. This one shot takes place after that story, so go read it first. I've placed a link at the beginning of my story.Cas was wrong. His feelings had been manipulated by God all along
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	Castiel's Choice

[Dean's Prayer to Castiel by saltyhunter](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22090513)

Cas was wrong. His feelings had been manipulated by God all along. Three weeks earlier, they'd been on the hunting trip in the Adirondacks, and Amenadiel had popped up when Castiel was alone. A pained look on his brother's face had stopped him from being angry. Amenadiel had told him what he'd found out, that Castiel sacrificing himself, sacrificing heaven, was all for naught. It was all part of Chuck's grand design, his desire to create the perfect story.

So he'd done what any normal person would do, run away as far and fast as he could. It's not like Dean had known how he felt anyway, no matter how hard he tried to show him. Coffee in the morning, pie while they were researching for a hunting trip, the soft way he said his love's name. But then last night, he'd heard a prayer. A really long one from Dean. He couldn't remember everything that had been said, the tears had made it hard to concentrate, but he would remember the last line until the end of time, "What if I fell in love with a lie?"

It was exactly how Castiel felt, down to the most minute details. If Chuck wrote the story... if he pushed them together, was it really love? Did Dean truly love him? The thoughts that he could were accompanied by feelings of elation, but at the same time, they terrified him. In millennia of existence, he never felt like this before, not with another human being, and not with another angel.

The real question was, could God truly manipulate their innermost desires and wants. Or, was it just that he could manipulate the environment around them, in turn manipulating them into reacting the way he wished? If it was the first, then Castiel would never return back to Dean. He couldn't be around somebody knowing that his emotions and feelings were not real. But if it was the second... if he truly did love Dean, and Dean loved him, and God had just manipulated the situation... he would do everything in his power to make him realize that they were meant to be.

In the long history of human beings, many people had been pushed together through the machinations of the heavens. But when Castiel was still an angel, he thought that was just the way things needed to be. Mary and Joseph were a good example. While Jesus was not truly the son of God, not in the way that Christianity depicts him to be, he was an extraordinarily good man. In order for him to be born, God had entrusted his heavenly host to find a way to bring them together.

There are other examples, some of which did not work out as well. There were times when pushing people together had the opposite effects of what God intended. But what if that was God's plan all along? People talk of free will, of the ability to choose and do what you want. What if every single step is a chess game being played by the Almighty. In that case, then what's the point?

If you think that God is pushing you together, so you run away, what if that was his intention all along? But if you go back to that person after thinking that God didn't want you together, but he truly did, then you're playing right into his hand again. There didn't seem to be a right answer. But according to his brother, Castiel had been manipulated. Now, he did tell him one thing that gave him pause. Accidentally leaving part of his essence in Dean had not been a part of the plan.

Apparently, the plan had been for Castiel to fall in love and realize that Dean would never feel the same. God wanted his wayward son to return home, not to continue lowering himself to the base needs of a short-lived human. But finding that out only confused Castiel more. If God wanted him to fall in love, but he didn't want Dean to do the same, then maybe there was free will. But what if the free will was only on the human side?

Last year after God had killed Jack, they found out that he'd been manipulating the Winchester brothers all along. That nothing they've ever done had been fully their choice. That God had just been trying to create the perfect story, something to entertain themselves.

But the more Castiel thought, the more he debated it with himself, the more confused he became. People spoke of free will in church, which is why there was sin. Because if God manipulated everything, decided every single outcome of every single interaction, then no one should ever go to Hell because of sin. Because that would mean that every murder, every starving child, every act of greed... those were all the work of one man, Chuck.

Free will meant that even though God manipulated events, even though he found a way to push Mary and John together and they fell in love as he wanted, that didn't mean that it would necessarily turn out that way. God had rolled the dice and it had worked out in his favor. The yellow-eyed demon, that one event had turned John into what Chuck had wanted all along, a man who would do anything to avenge his wife.

Being raised on the road had turned Dean into the perfect hunter, exactly as God had planned. Having the yellow-eyed demon kill Jessica had turned Sam into the perfect hunter. There were so many things that God had manipulated, so many things he'd thrust into their path, but they'd overcome each one. Castiel knew for a fact that there were a few times when the outcome had surprised even Chuck. That gave him hope, because if the outcome of a story could surprise God, then there was at least a semblance of choice involved.

And if there was even the slightest hint that free will existed, that the boys had chosen the same path over and over again not because God wanted it, but because it was the right thing to do... then that left the possibility that Dean's love was real. And if Dean's love was real, then maybe Castiel's was too.

The real question was, could God take it away?

What Castiel wouldn't give to have some of the angels back who had died along the way. Somebody to help him figure out if what he felt was real, or if he had been tricked. But truth be told, he wasn't sure he cared if he had been tricked into loving Dean.

Dean was a good man, the kind of person who would sacrifice himself for anyone. He would never hurt somebody on purpose, not really. His anger at his mother dying, anger and everything that God had done to them, despair at having to rid the world of all the bad things again... it couldn't be helped.

Would God really want his perfect son to be miserable? Because that's what Dean was, miserable. Castiel was as well. For eleven years, he watched Dean grow, become the man he knew he was capable of being. He'd watch Dean slay dragons, save the damsel in distress, and stand fierce against the holiest of holies.

His mind kept going back to one moment in time, one particular thing that he knew had angered God to no end. When Dean refused to kill Jack. They had stood there and Chuck had thrown a fit. That's why they were in this predicament in the first place, with all of the denizens of hell released back into the world. Because Dean would not kill Jack.

That one moment made Castiel realize something. If God could be angered because they were not following his plan, that meant there was free will. That meant that even through all of the pain and misery and anguish, Dean truly had fallen in love with him. And even though Castiel did not truly have a soul because he was a celestial being, he liked to think that maybe he had a bit of free will as well. And if he had free will, that meant his love for Dean was also real.

As Castiel came to that conclusion, he stood a little straighter and ruffled his invisible wings, trying to decide what to do. He couldn't live without Dean, he didn't want to. Even if he never had Dean in the capacity that he wanted him, he couldn't not have him in his life.

Smiling, he made his decision. He would go to Dean and tell him the truth. Tell him everything that Amenadiel had confided in him, as well as his realization that they had at least some modicum of free will. Then, he would confess that he loved Dean and had for a very long time. He would confess that he didn't care if it was God's design because he loved him. Why fight the happiness that they got when they were with each other? Why let God win? They should take happiness where they could find it, not worrying about whether or not it was all part of Chuck's grand plan or not. 

Because even if it was part of Chuck's plan and he wanted them together, they were stronger... no, they were better together. They smiled and laughed and joked, and they loved. It didn't matter if God is the one who had originally intended for them to be with each other, all that mattered was that they were. What good is being miserable and alone if all it would do is make Chuck happier? Because let's face it, Chuck would probably be happier if he and Dean were miserable than if they were happy.

Closing his eyes, Castiel will himself back to the bunker and into Dean's bedroom. Opening his eyes he saw his hunter lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, eyes rimmed with red.

Dean looked over and sat up, his voice breaking, "Cas, what are you doing here?"

Crouching on the floor in front of Dean, Castiel told him everything. When he had finished recounting what his brother had told him, and what he had realized, he reached up and cupped Dean's jaw with his palm. "Dean, I don't care if Chuck wanted us together or not. I believe that even if we were manipulated into these feelings that they are real. You still have free will, even if God pushed us down these paths. I fell in love with you," he said placing his other hand on Dean's heart. "I didn't fall in love with Chuck's plan, I fell in love with the man willing to sacrifice himself for his brother. I fell in love with the man who would do anything to save somebody he had never met before. I fell in love with the man who would search all of Purgatory to find me, who wouldn't let me go even when I told him that the Leviathans were hunting me. I fell in love with you Dean, not some facsimile that God created."

"What if it's all a lie, Cas?" A tear rolled down Dean's cheek, but he managed to keep his voice from cracking. "What if everything we feel, everything we've ever done, is exactly what God wanted us to do?"

"What if it is?" Castiel stood and drew Dean up, cupping his face with his hands. Stepping until his body was flush with Dean's, he added, "So what if it's everything that God wanted? I don't care. I love you, Dean. I would walk through fire to be with you. I would go back to hell if you asked me to. I would do anything for you, even defy my father, my creator. Give us a chance, Dean."

"Are you sure?" Another tear rolled down Dean's cheek, and he rested his forehead against the angel's. "Are you sure this is what you want to do? If this is exactly what Chuck wanted, maybe we should…"

Castiel pressed his lips against Dean's in a chaste kiss. When he pulled back he smiled. "I would rather have happiness with you, manipulated or not, then live in a world where I don't get to love you. You are my happily ever after Dean, whether Chuck wanted it or not. If you don't feel the same, I understand, but I'm not going to deny my feelings any longer. You are why I am still on earth, why I fight against God. Because I love you. Because you are a good man."

Dean took a deep breath and closed his eyes, thinking about everything Castiel had just said. It didn't take him long before he opened his eyes again, letting the tears fall down his cheeks instead of trying to contain them. He reached up and trailed his fingers down the permanent five o'clock shadow that Castiel had. "I love you, Cas. You're right, I would rather be happy with you even if God wants it, then be miserable and alone. But you know, I'm kind of an asshole to be around."

Castiel chuckled and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, pulling him even closer against him. "Yeah, I know. But I love you, Dean, and that means I love your faults as well. I didn't fall in love with you because you are a perfect man, I fell in love with you because you aren't."

"I love you, Cas." Dean put his hand behind Castiel's head, drawing his face nearer."

"And I love you." Cas grinned. "Now, are you going to kiss me, or are we going to talk more?"

Dean laughed. "Definitely kiss." Winking, he wiggled his hips against Castiel. "And maybe more."


End file.
